So the classroom is too overstimulating....

...but you can dress Superman up in a suit and tie and take him to a formal corporate Christmas dinner party and he's stellar for 4 straight hours. Imagine that! Last night was our company Christmas party and Superman was hands down the best kid there. He was amazing! Such great table manners, great with the other kids, fabulous dancer (have you ever seen an autistic white boy try to breakdance? 'Nuff said). He was golden!

We hired a magician and the kids sat for 45 mins to watch the show. They nearly peed themselves with laughter. He was fabulous. Both of my kids were picked to go up and do a trick with "Tricky Ricky" and they LOVED it. They were decked out in their fancy schmany clothes and we're so polite and happy. We didn't get home until 10:30pm. A late night for both of them but they definitely had a blast. I think they both loved the DJ best.

The past week at school was good. Ms. B (the new EA) is looking promising. She's different from Ms. S. She doesn't like hugs, feels more comfortable with high fives which Superman wasn't too impressed with but we had been talking lately about boundaries and I think it's a good thing. She's more strict (for lack of a better word) but still flexible and that's good for him. He seems to take to her and I really liked the feel I got from her.

He's loving school and I'm so proud of him for trying so hard to have good days even though Ms. D isn't there. He really does love school.

He had several climbing episodes this week and he was more emotional but I was expecting that. He's had a lot of changes to deal with and there has to be some fallout. Some place to let out his emotions.

Lately, he's felt like he's lost a lot. The two biggest players seem to be Mr. S and Ms. D. Both were very important people to him. Next month he goes back to his play therapist and I think that's good. Since Ms. D left he's had extreme separation anxiety. If I leave the house without him, he's okay in the beginning but then he flips out. Especially if I'm not home when he goes to bed. That's something we'll have to work on with his therapist.

But I have to say that I am so impressed, and I draw inspiration from, his ability to adapt and make the best of a situation.

In the Ladybug department - If the child is thirsty, why won't she ask me for a drink? Lately I've found her pulling the rabbit's water bottle off of her cage and drinking from that. Child! If you're thirsty, I will give you water! You don't need to swap spit with the rabbit!

Day 1 with the new EA

The new EA started (haven't found out her name yet) and Superman says he likes her. It helps that he knows that she's a friend of Ms. S. He was a little put off that she doesn't like hugs and told him he can't hug at school, only high fives are allowed. So we had a little talk about boundaries and that high fives are perfectly fine. Some people like to hug, some don't, who you can hug, who you can't etc. But other than that, day one went well. A bit of climbing on desks.

More climbing today at home. Two incidents of grabbing ladybug (both ended very quickly) and I can see that the climbing is directly related to stress. It happened 10 mins before we had to get ready to go to school. He was so excited to go back today but there were some nerves and uncertainty involved.

Today he climbed on the kitchen counter. Right now I'm allowing it because let's face it. The kitchen counter (although not ideal) is better and safer than the outside of the bannister which drops a few floors. So he has one corner that he can climb on and he tends just to stick to the one corner. I feel better about it because I know he's safer and it's meeting a need that he has. He only seems to use it when he's desperate.

Ladybug and I decided to make banana muffins today which was a lot of fun. She loves to be involved in the kitchen. Superman was really happy when he came home for lunch because he says Ladybug makes the best muffins ever.

We had a really great night. Superman was tired. Today was stressful even though it was a relatively happy day. He seemed just happy to be home. Ladybug was attached to his hip most of the night. We cleaned out Mr. Puffy's tank which made for a happy Superman and a happy fish. It's a small tank that sits on a table beside Superman's bed and Mr. Puffy is quite animated any time Superman talks to him. There's nothing sweeter than a boy/fish bond.

Those precious moments

Superman has had a horrible day. Woke up at 6am thrashing and screaming. His day only got worse from there. For about 5 hours he was almost non verbal. Screaming and very few words. But what is he doing right now? Sitting on the couch watching America's Funniest Home Video and Ladybug walked up to him and said "Superman? I snuggle you?" and he said sure. So she's curled up with her head on his lap and he's playing with her hair telling her how wonderful and beautiful and lovable she is. I swear it's these moments that get me through the days like today.

We survived the week! (and a Ladybug story)

Superman made it through Ms. D's last day at school. He was great when he came home. A bit weepy here and there, a lot of questions etc. But it seems like the build up throughout the week was worse than the actual day itself. After dinner he curled up on the couch and was exhausted. All of the emotions that had been mulling around inside of him took a lot of energy and I think he was just happy that the week was done and now we can move forward.

Tonight when I put him to bed he was disappointed that tomorrow isn't a school day. He says he's excited to see Ms. S and get back to work. I'm finding that he's still having severe separation anxiety with me (I went out to shop today and said I would be back at 5pm but I was running late and HB said he was in a panic). But we're working on that.

A funny moment with Ladybug the other day ~ Last month we went to the local Santa Clause Parade and the firemen were giving out Junior Fire Chief hats to the kids. Ladybug adores hers and she has this thing with firetrucks (probably because there's a fire station on the way to Superman's school so we see the trucks every day). She asked me to play fireman so I said sure. I told her to put on the hat and I would be the person who needs help so she can come and rescue me.

Me: Help! Help! There's a fire!

(ok, now you drive up in your firetruck to help me)

Ladybug: Weee-oooh! Weee-ooooh! (very impressive firetruck siren)

(then she just stood there and smiled at me, so I said...)

Me: Okay, now you have to put out the fire with your water!

She looked at me, gathered up some spit and then blew raspberries at me. I was covered in spit. Lovely. How's that for a logical response? I mean she did what I told her to. Superman and I nearly died laughing. Ladybug has since learned that you can ALSO pretend to hold a hose and make a "Shhhhh" noise to simulate water. ;)

The new EA is hired

I'm feeling encouraged by the good news! I heard that the new EA is hired. Ms. S (secondary EA) trained with a woman who she really hit it off with. During the meeting on Tuesday she brought up this woman's name as a possibility for the EA placement. She really enjoys her and given that Ms. S is already working with Superman, knows how he operates, and feels that the two would be a good match, I think it's a wise choice. The good thing is that we're not going into this blindly, wondering what personality type we got.

Ms. B (Principal) also suggested that Superman may feel more comfortable with the new EA when he finds out that Ms. S already knows her. I definitely agree.

I forgot to ask about a start date though. Hopefully on Monday.

Yesterday Superman and Ms. D took a ton of pictures of all of their favourites places in the school and things they liked to do together so today he's busy printing them out in Ms. B's office.

I told him that after school I would be sure to spoil him. He can put on his pj's when he comes home, have snacks, play his Nindtendo DS and he asked if I would put a fire on for him in the fireplace and let him drink hot chocoate. You bet I will.

And now he knows

I meant to update the blog earlier but spent 24 hours without internet access. I think I need a 12 step program for the withdrawal effects.

So now Superman knows. Ms. D told him the news yesterday and we were both shocked at how well he took it. He didn't seemed phased by it at all. He said he was sad but he was also happy that Ms. D was taking care of her body (he knew about her health issues). So we both agreed that it hadn't hit him yet. Then he went to bed and said he was okay with it so we chatted a bit and then out of the blue he starts crying "I've already lost someone I love (meaning Mr. S, his teacher from last year that he adored who moved to BC) and I'm not going to lose anyone else!!" So THAT was the reaction I had been waiting for.

I'm just heartbroken that HE is heartbroken. I asked him what I could do to make it a bit easier for him and he said "promise me she'll be back one day" and I had to say I didn't know the answer to that. Then he said "Then my sad feeling will always be inside of me." Sigh. I know in the long run, he'll be just fine. I totally get that. I just hate that he has had this much change/disappointment/heartbreak so often and that it seems to hit him back to back. So I tried to push the positive....You love Ms. S (the other EA), we're going to teach the new EA all about you so that you don't have to worry about telling her everything, so many people at home and at school love you and want to support you and make this change as easy as possible, Ms. D has our phone number and our email address and we're always going to be friends etc. Just sucks. Poor kid cried himself to sleep.

One of his biggest fears right now is that he's afraid Ms D will be gone "forever". I keep telling him I don't know and that seems to only raise his anxiety and with the anxiety comes the climbing and meltdowns which occurred this morning before school. When we got to school he asked Ms D if she was going away forever and she said "we'll be friends forever and I hope to come back but I have to wait and see what my Dr. says". Superman was content with that. So I need to follow similar language (I hope so but we'll have to wait and see what her doctor says) then I think it will make the transistion easier for him. Right now, when I tell him "I don't know" it means uncertainty and with uncertainty comes anxiety and then the behaviours follow after that. Also, sometimes when someone says "I don't know", he hears that as "no". So that may be why in this case, that phrase makes him anxious. I'm hoping that with the new language that will help us ride out the transistion period when we bring in a new EA. If he/she is a great match then eventually the intense need tohave Ms. D back will lessen as the trust grows with the new EA. Although part of me isn't too sure that will actually happen given that he still talks about how Mr. S might come back and teach his class again someday. He never likes the finality of "never". It's a scary word for him.

Right now, Superman's stress level is extremely high and he's having a hard time coping with his feelings. Tonight I had to leave to do some Christmas shopping so HB was home with the kids. Usually when I leave Superman will say "I hate that you're going, but have a good time." But tonight he went into a complete panic. He was shaking, sobbing and kept saying I can't leave him. That I can't go anywhere, I have to stay with him. I reminded him how much I love him that I always come back. I was just going to go to two stores, then come right back home again and when I did, I would wake him up and give him kisses. But he was beside himself. He's terrified that something will happen to me. This is not normal behaviour for Superman at all. This leads me to believe that it's leaning past "upsetting" and into "traumatic". I saw similar behaviours in the past when Superman was faced with a traumatic situation. I'm also feeling very thankful that I have appointments set up with his play therapist next month because he will benefit from having her to talk to.

This is going to be a tough journey.

The Meeting

Well the latest scoop is that I had another meeting at the school (Tuesday). We found out that Ms. D's official last day is this Friday and then she'll start her medical leave. So I met with the principal, the teacher, both EA's, Dr. S and the SERT for the Behavioural Team for the region. We had to come up with a transistion plan, three days to put it into place, then help Superman start all over again on Monday. It's a huge crunch, not ideal at all but we don't have much of a choice. I just want a bit of a smooth ride for my little man. The upside? Really like the secondary EA and so does he, so we at least have that going for us.

It was a long meeting but I think it was productive. It made a HUGE difference having Dr. S there to advocate for us. Wow. She is absolutely remarkable. I just can't possibly speak more highly of her. She was really able to educate the staff about why Superman does some of the things that he does. Most notably is that his intense need to climb may be due to the possibility of him having Tourette's. That wouldn't really surprise me because it tends to be co-morbid with Autism. We'll know for sure next month after he goes through his neuropsych evaluation. There is a part of me that would be relieved if that was the case because it explains a lot of behaviours over the last 6 years that people were constantly saying would have been "cured" by discipline but my gut always said was something more. At the same time you have that feeling again of wow....so now he has Tourette's as well. So, it's looking very likely and I have to read up on that and give myself some time to adjust and then we'll see what the results are after the evaluation. Nothing is certain yet.

Overall the meeting went well. We're all on the same page. Some concerns I had were straightened out and Dr. S basically read my mind and really advocated for Superman's best interests which was enthusiastically embraced by the principal.

We've made arrangements to keep in touch with Ms. D via email so he can write her when he wants. They're going to make a photo journal this week of them doing all of their favourite things together and he'll have a copy to keep. Plus they're going to work on an All About Me book so that he knows that the new EA (whoever that ends up being) will know about the things he likes, doesn't like, what makes him angry, what calms him down, what words make him feel stressed etc. He's always been so worried that people around him won't understand him and why he does the things that he does. Like last night as I was updating my notes about the meeting, he was standing in the middle of room spinning his head around making high pitched noises. I love that he's just himself at home because he knows it's a safe place. But we run into a problem in public when he's so afraid he'll do something that will make people stare at him. So I'm hoping that this book will help with some of that anxiety.

The principal also got an inexpensive digital camera so that Superman can take pictures of things and put together power point presentations and send them to Ms. D, show them to other students etc.

So we've got a bit of an uphill battle. But the good news is that things are being put into place so that when school starts up again in January, he stays for lunch. There may be the possibility that he starts it sooner if they have enough staff. Every day he tells his EA he doesn't want to come home for lunch so thankfully with the push from Dr. S they're going to build on that and try to have him in full time asap. If not next week, then in January.

In the end, good meeting. I just feel awful for Superman because for a little while his whole world is going to fall apart. This just isn't anyone leaving. She's someone that he loves and trusts immensely. His sun rises and sets on her.